On the Power of Mirrors and Lori M. Lee
826 words | 3 min read
Forest of Souls by Lori M. Lee was published on June 23, 2020.
I first read it in March 2021. (And immediately fell in love with the book and with Sirscha. She is my first mirror in a book and so dear to me.)
I read it again in June 2021.
…and a third time at the end of September 2021.
I’m a rereader, but three times in the span of six months… that’s unusual
That second read came right before the release of the sequel, Broken Web. Understandable. Even though I’d just read the first book, I wanted that experience of sliding seamlessly from book one into book two.
Around mid-September, I had been talking about the book so much that I just needed to reread it. Somewhere within this third reread, I realized that this was something more than just revisiting world and characters. But I couldn’t put my finger exactly on what was different.
I feel so connected to Lori’s books. It almost as though a string runs from the pit of my stomach directly to her words. It’s a strange alchemy that I find hard to explain.
I found the answer after reading Lori’s middle-grade debut, Pahua and the Soul Stealer. I connected with Pahua, and the entire book, in a similar fashion to Forest of Souls. During a publication week launch event, Lori said something in her conversation with Rick Riordan (that, of course, I can’t remember exactly) but it got me thinking about my relationship to her writing and certain things started to snap into place.
It hit me that both Sirscha and Pahua (and in ways, their friends, allies, and enemies) are pulled between who they feel they’re expected to be and who they are. Their *biggest struggle* is believing in their own worth. They feel they are not enough and, in the beginning, strive to change who they are in order to BE enough. Their growth comes through learning to lean into their own strengths and having soul-level realization that who they are is *exactly* enough.
I see their struggle compounded by the fact that these characters all live in the grey space between worlds: they are of two races. Or they are of a singular race and culture but live in very different place, which leaves them isolated and othered. Or they are of one class but do not wish for the life that comes with that life. Each of them are striving to be fully seen, both by the world and by themselves.
So much of this struggle is familiar to me. It’s lived in my bones, my reflection. The fear of “not enough” has haunted my insecurities. And every moment of triumph against that fear is either one I’ve celebrated, or a promise of one that will come.
I talk about mirrors in books a lot. And Lori’s books were where I found my first mirrors. I’m only now realizing that this mirror does not just come from the characters, their Asian-ness or Asian-coding, or their personalities, or their struggles. It comes from Lori as well. The lens through which she views the world and her exploration of identity are both as much a reflection of me as her characters are. She is actually the mirror.
My NaNoWriMo 2020 project was a loose retelling of the twelve dancing princesses. The story was big and complex, with as diverse a cast as I felt comfortable crafting. I was so excited for it, for the magic system, for solving the puzzle of this plot. In total, I poured at least 120,000 words into it. But over the last few months, I lost steam, lost the drive to tell this story. I couldn’t keep myself interested. After beating my head against the wall for months, I finally put that WIP down in September 2021.
Sometime in the middle of my Forest of Souls reread.
The part of me that had been using the amount of words I’d written as a reason to keep going, using the idea that finishing a novel-length story was crucial, collapsed during my third adventure in Thiy. Those excuses could not stand against what a deep part of me knew: my drive to write a book isn’t just about telling a good story.
In the face of this beautiful mirror, I saw the truth.
I want to write someone’s Sirscha.
I want to be someone’s Lori.
And I needed a different story to do that.
The story I’m crafting now holds these questions of identity and struggles of belonging, examines what lines needs to be erased, what binaries need to be challenged. I know with my whole self that I dove for this story BECAUSE of my latest visit to Thiy. Because mirrors aren’t always just mirrors. Sometimes they’re hidden doors, portals to a better, braver, and truer versions of ourselves. Sometimes, they are windows into a future.
What are your thoughts on mirrors in books? Have you found yours? Did it unlock something for you? Or are you still looking?
I’d love to know! Please drop any answers in the comments.
Needless to say, if you have yet to read Forest of Souls or Pahua and the Soulstealer, I highly recommend that you do!
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I talk about mirrors in books a lot. And Lori’s books were where I found my first mirrors.